Chasing the Cool

A Cry for More Gumption, Less Gucci

So, you think you're on the cutting edge of fashion or just one of the cool kids, well then you should already have the latest fashion accessory this fall. No, it's not an imitation of Michael Jackson's sequined military jacket circa the 1984 Grammys, but designer hand sanitizer.

I'm not joking.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, well your cool points have already been tossed. Sadly, I never thought I'd see the day when hand sanitizer would be deemed as fashionable. While the swine flu spreads like cancer throughout the nation, retailers are rolling out "designer" hand sanitizer to prevent germs from reaching the fashion majors and trend setters of the world. These days, everyone's fleeing from the cooties and that's cool, however, when did Victoria Secrets, Ed Hardy and a host of other retailers get the notion to market customize bottles of antibacterial gel into a compelling fashion statement?

Victoria Secrets already sells a wide collection of fragrances and body products and that prompts me to question this new line up. The slogan, perhaps: What's fashion without clean hands? A freak? Apparently if you don't upgrade your germ repellent than you're a fashion reject. Are chemists in the lab right now concocting specialized scents to sell? Are they placed near top selling lotions such as Love spell and Enchanted Apple to stir competition? Or are they cater-corner to the laced bra and panty set to entice impulse buyers like myself?

Who's really buying this stuff?

And Ed Hardy, one of the trendiest brands in fashion history has gone designer? This brand alone will  bring droves of pretentious, high-end shoppers to the mall in search of the latest fashion scoop. To culminate their shopping excursion of Gucci and gold, they'll gladly stop at Ed Hardy ― even if it is just for hand gel. I can see these shoppers totting around their flashy tattoo-inspired bottles while snickering at the cash-strapped girl who can barely afford a knockoff from Target ― Targèt rather.

And my heart bleeds for the impressionable school children that are obvious targets of this scheme to bully them out of their chump change. Pleading for access into the A-list cliques on the playground or the chance to fraternize with  jocks and cheerleaders during lunch, they'll do anything to boost their cool points. So, if you're going to hang with the cool crowd, now you need to have a key chain with hand sanitizer dangling from your backpack. This kind of peer pressure lurks around playgrounds and erodes the minds of our youth ― the most powerful consumers-to-be that have the ability to revolutionize retail.

I'm only drawing from my own desperate pursuit of "the cool" in my heyday. For some reason, I sought validation through pricey labels that had less to do with personal style and more to do with blind adoration for visible designer labels. But kids will no longer beg mom and dad for fifty bucks for a designer shirt because now they'll use their lunch money to buy the fanciest bottle of hand sanitizer they can find. I pray that feeble adolescent minds aren't susceptible to such silly marketing tactics. I know, I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and kids, well they just wanna be cool, right?

My point precisely.

The hidden social message encourages a life of conspicuous consumption and materialism for the sake of “the cool” and that aspect alone makes me worrisome. I can foresee the psychological damage that will ensue in months to come.

I won't bore you any longer with my incessant chatter. Just know that the cool kids can rush to the cool stores to get the coolest hand sanitizer; and I'll continue to use the drab off-brand bottle at my desk. It kills germs just as well.